✙ my current life

Christian vocations in general

As Christians we are all called to follow Christ as much as we can.

How? Through prayer, self-observation, introspection, study, lots of practice, and with constant failures along the way.

Against that background, the best division I can make between the different paths (vocations) of a married or unmarried Christian, a priest, a monk or nun, a hermit, and a fool-for-Christ is this:

a married or unmarried Christian in general is called to live a life fully immersed in worldly affairs
a priest is called to live his life in between his flock
monks and nuns are called to live in between their other brothers and sisters
a hermit is called to live as much as possible outside society in a deliberate seclusion, silence, and solitude
and a fool for Christ is called to live a life that willingly and instrumentally flouts all or most social conventions, in order to serve a clearly stated personal and/or interpersonal religious goal

As an old Desert Father (hermit Nistero the Great) phrased it: “Not all works people do are the same. Scripture tells us that Abraham was given to charity, and God was with him; Elijah sought silence and God was with him; David was humbled, and God was with him."

None of these paths is easy. In fact: they often partly overlap, and they all have their own battles, difficulties, and advantages.

“Not all works people do are the same. Scripture tells us that Abraham was given to charity, and God was with him; Elijah sought silence and God was with him; David was humbled, and God was with him."

the vocation of both a hermit and a fool for Christ

The traditional hermit’s path is to live a life in deliberate seclusion, inner and outer silence, and solitude in order to prioritise praying, study, and introspection (a.k.a. watchfulness) above all else, even at the expense of his (or her) worldly income, social status, and security.

Of all these aspects, inner-silence (stillness) and introspection (watchfulness) are the two most important qualities of spiritual progress. This is true for both a traditional hermit, and for a fool for Christ.

Another similarity between fools and traditional hermits is that both live intensely solitary lives and both do it in ways that fall outside all accepted social norms and social classes.

Thus, there are many similarities between the lives and vocations of both fools for Christ and traditional hermits. However, the two main differences between them are:

a fool for Christ stands out for - occasionally, often, or continuously - behaving disruptively, challenging, and/or provocative. Though this behaviour always serves either a personal and/or an interpersonal Christian goal
and fools for Christ often find themselves migrating back and forth between living (often homeless) isolated lives within nature as a hermit, interspersed with living and sleeping rough in urban centres big and small.

For all these reasons, fools for Christ are seen as a sub-category of traditional hermitism.

If you’re interested, you can read more about these fools for Christ, including many real-life examples, on this wikipedia page.

my personal vocation

As discussed and gradually discerned with the help and guidance of my spiritual director (a priest) - and as written down, explained, and placed within the catholic tradition in my Ratio Vivendi (*) - my personal vocation, place, and progress on the hermit's path became clearer through the following steps:

First I've rigorously tested myself while discerning my vocation in more depth and detail. I wanted to do this for various reasons, but one important reason to do so are the traditional requirements needed to be safely admitted to the hermit life. And another reason came from the fact that a traditional hermit’s life can progress through various grades of seclusion and solitude that are recommendable per personality type and per stage of development
Against that background, I've also tried to establish (and as far as possible: to objectively substantiate with the help of my spiritual director) the various stages of development on the hermit path as described by the Desert Fathers
Then I’ve situated my personal circumstances on top of that traditional road map
And while doing all of the above, it became gradually clear that - given the circumstances of my calling and vocation - I was at a real risk of my vocation not only falling into the life of traditional hermitism, but also in that of so-called ‘fools for Christ’.

(* a Ratio Vivendi is an official written document stating the hermit's life plan. It contains i.a. the hermit’s past, his (or her) calling, the discernment process that followed, and the hermit’s proposed new way of life)

As there is no clear-cut nor standardised type of life for so-called fools for Christ (as the different forms and intensities of foolishness lead to highly individualised and often misunderstood or even ostracised lives), I will for clarity's sake remain focused only on the aspects of my current life that fit the traditional hermit's life. For all other aspects, I refer you - for the time being - to the wikipedia page mentioned above. Partly because, I must admit, I'm still resisting quite strongly falling into this sub-category of fools for Christ as it still is too extreme for the tastes and proclivity of my worldly old-self.

my daily schedule

In line with the well-established hermit tradition of the Desert Fathers, my daily schedule normally stays within the standard averages for a traditional hermit’s life shown below:

contemplative, meditative, and continuous prayer. If you add to those types of prayer the daily psalms (liturgy of the hours, also known as the Divine Office) and other standard vocal prayers, then (excluding continuous prayer) a traditional hermit devotes between 5 and 8 hours per day on prayer.

The remaining hours are for:

studying theology both in practice and theory: between 3 and 4 hours per day
shower, cook, eat, and other daily household chores: between 1 and 2 hours per day
working for the minimum necessary income (and - when explicitly asked - helping others in their (prayer) life and/or with their religious questions): only the hours, if any, that remain after prayer and all other chores
leisure: only when needed, plus the Sunday’s
sleeping: the necessary hours - between 6 to 8 hours per day.

As a contemporary Maronite hermit phrased his own experiences living according to this type of schedule:

"The hermit should be occupied all day with prayer and spiritual reading. According to the Rule of St. Antony he is allowed only small breaks. Every day is difficult. It is the same for all hermits. As you get closer to God your enemy attacks you more. At first [hermits] feel lonely and depressed. But after that there is the indescribable joy of feeling the presence of the Lord.”

(shortened citation taken from William Dalrymple’s travelbook ‘From the Holy Mountain – a Journey in the Shadows of Byzantium’ - entry for ‘Bsharre, 5 October’).

"The hermit should be occupied all day with prayer and spiritual reading. According to the Rule of St. Antony he is allowed only small breaks"

so… why?

The honest and most simple answer to that question is: God's calling.

And I think a more theoretical and theological comprehensive answer might be this:

As the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) states in par. 405: “Baptism, (…) erases original sin and turns a man back toward God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle.”

So… what does that actually mean?

This means that even though baptism can erase original sin, it cannot and will not restore in us the peace and grace of original holiness that Adam and Eve lost as a consequence of their fall from paradise (see CCC par. 399 - 404). Therefore, all of us (baptised or not) are still faced with an inevitable spiritual battle during our life here on earth. As Saint Thomas Aquinas phrased it: “[after baptism] there still remains the inclination to sin that assails us from within, and also the flesh and the devil which assail us from without”. These battles are forced upon us, whether we like it or not. But using our God-given free will, we can either decide to try and tackle them head-on, or run away.

Unfortunately, lacking clear and experienced real-life guidance, most of us end up doing a little bit of both and often end up mistakenly incorporating buddhist and other types of meditation or mindfulness techniques to our Christian spiritual armoury. Mistakenly, because the same - but God (+) centred and therefore more effective (and safer) - techniques have already existed as prayer methods both in the ancient Jewish and later Christian traditions from the very beginning. In the era of the Desert Fathers the general practice, intens study, and therefore the understanding and efficacy of these prayer techniques like Christian meditation, contemplation, and watchfulness reached its peak.

Since that era of the Desert Fathers these prayer techniques of Christian meditation, contemplation, and watchfulness slowly started to dilute and become less central. Therefore, these ancient prayer techniques were ever less practised, until they reached their current nadir within the mainstream churches of today. Nonetheless, traditional hermits (especially so within the orthodox tradition) have always remained predominantly focused on the original, undiluted, forms of these prayer techniques as practised by the Desert Fathers and Mothers.

"This means that even though baptism can erase original sin, it cannot and will not restore in us the peace and grace of original holiness that Adam and Eve lost as a consequence of their fall from paradise. Therefore, all of us (baptised or not) are still faced with an inevitable spiritual battle during our life here on earth. As Saint Thomas Aquinas phrased it: “[after baptism]there still remains the inclination to sin that assails us from within, and also the flesh and the devil which assail us from without”. These battles are forced upon us, whether we like it or not. But using our God-given free will, we can either decide to try and tackle them head-on, or run away"

With the help of these more effective prayer techniques, according to (i.a.) the Desert Fathers’ experiences and writings, the outcome of our personal and daily spiritual battle, when fought deliberately, focused, and well-guided, can in some cases effect God to restore through His (+) grace the peace and original God-centred innocent obedience to God’s will from before the Fall. This battled for (but eventually only God-given) grace of restored original holiness is often referred to as theosis, which is a somewhat exalted word for the very real, direct, and God-given grace of getting to know God (+) through one or more direct personal experiences. This is what the orthodox tradition describes as ‘real theology’, and it is also the threshold and gateway to perfection within our lifetime here on earth.

At its best this spiritual - and very real - daily battle for perfection will lead us first to a stable state of dispassion. And then - who knows - towards a stable state of theosis already during our lifetime. Though successfully reaching - let alone: maintaining - such a state of perfection is in itself not necessary to be granted eternal life after we die, it is nonetheless the goal each Christian should ideally strive for during his or her earthly life. Why? Because God (+) created us in His own image - i.e. holy - before the Fall, and now - after the Fall - He (+) still wants us to become holy again as He is Holy (see i.a. under the Old Testament Lev. 19:2 and in the New Testament Matthew 5:48).

"Since that era of the Desert Fathers these prayer techniques of Christian meditation, contemplation, and watchfulness slowly started to dilute and become less central. Therefore, these ancient prayer techniques were ever less practised, until they reached their current nadir within the mainstream churches of today. Nonetheless, traditional hermits (especially so within the orthodox tradition) have always remained predominantly focused on the original, undiluted, forms of these prayer techniques as practised by the Desert Fathers and Mothers"

Unfortunately, the road to perfection is not easy nor is it a one way street. For there are many ups and downs, setbacks, and pitfalls along the spiritual path. So, when we find ourselves placed before such a supernatural battle and goal, we cannot ignore 2000 years of history. And that history shows us that this spiritual battle is a very uneven fight indeed that resembles asymmetric warfare when seen from our individual human perspective. And if that is not yet enough to humble us, then it’s good to remember - as many Desert Fathers already rightly foresaw - that in our present time and in the coming generations there will almost be no one anymore who will successfully reach the threshold of Christian perfection - let alone maintain God’s consequential grace of restored holiness - during his or her remaining lifetime here on earth. This means that the most of us will have to fight our personal spiritual battle without the help and guidance of real life spirit-bearing (i.e. deified) elders who can see directly into our souls and who could teach us from their own personal experience. Without this experienced hands-on help, winning the - unavoidable - spiritual battle during our lifetime becomes even harder to accomplish.

"Though successfully reaching - let alone: maintaining - such a state of perfection is in itself not necessary to be granted eternal life after we die, it is nonetheless the goal each Christian should ideally strive for during his or her earthly life"

But is this battle winnable, and its ultimate goal still attainable? Yes, it is.

How? By maintaining a dynamic balance between doing our own very best within our life (through the various types of prayer with a focus on traditional Christian meditation, contemplation, and watchfulness, in combination with unflinching self-observation, honest introspection, study, lots of practice, and with constant failures along the way), while at the same time entrusting ourselves fully to God’s (+) divine will and providence.

Or as apostle Paul phrased it more succinctly: by fighting the good fight while aiming to finish the race and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7).

Nothing more. Nothing less.

And this is also why I will always appreciate to receive your feedback. Especially - in the spirit of psalm 141:5 - when it is critical or even downright negative. For your honest feedback will help me become a better person, it will help me grow as a hermit, and it will enable me to apologise and make amends to you whenever you may have felt offended unjustifiably because of me.

how can I help you?