UNDER CONSTRUCTION - sorry...

Seven years waiting for the Church...

After seven years waiting, enough was enough. So I stepped back from trying to build my life as a hermit within the formal structures of our Church, offering up all my work and talents to her and her poor.

Stepping back from the institutional side of our Church like this is a real pity, because I think my life as a hermit could have been more focused and fruitful when structured within it, while the institutional Church could have meaningfully benefited from my proven legal, financial, and strategic talents and my hermit’s focus, knowledge, and practice. Nonetheless, this was all not to be.

…back to the world...

Not being helped by our Church, means I have to rebuild a worldly life but doing it in such a way that it will allow me maximum focus, time, and opportunities to live my hermit’s life and calling. Because with or without the help of the Church, my calling doesn’t change.

In other words, I will keep devoting the main part of my days to growing in theology through prayer, study, and practice, but now as an 'undercover hermit'. And the few remaining hours of the day - that I used to dedicate to helping others, manual work that could be combined with prayer, and leisure - will now all have to be used to earn a far more serious income with which I have to live, eat, and drive within the old-world again plus save for my pension, and hopefully one day buy my own hermitage in a very silent and secluded region.

And that also means that from now on others will have to become either self-sufficient in their own Christian education and knowhow or find other sources to provide it to them, because I cannot provide it anymore for lack of time and income to spare.

…the church doesn’t help you then...

There is unfortunately no other way to put this, then ‘no, they don’t’. For the last seven years I’ve been waiting for a never arriving ’tomorrow, soon, have faith, a few weeks more, I cannot help but I think this other priest/monastery/bishop will certainly help you’, and so on.

And all the while I was spending my savings, obediently waiting to start building my life, while very rarely meeting the straightforward honesty and loving kindness one would expect from the institutional Church and her formal representatives.

…if the Church doesn’t help, what about others...

Well, over the last seven years I’ve been giving, helping, and instructing a lot for free on behalf of our Church, hoping for a mutual kindness as was common tradition in the old days of the Desert Fathers and Mothers. But with only four or five notable exceptions (in other words: on average far less than one per year; with two of those whose sizeable help I refused because of their own limited financial means), there has been scant financial support other than some coffee money. In other words: neither the institutional Church and her formal representatives, nor the many lay people I’ve helped over these last seven years came forth to support me in return.

But nearly all, priests and lay Christians alike, eagerly sought out my advice and opinion in both worldly and Christian knowhow. And though I spend hours and hours of my time on them, with often with very good short and long term results - for an indication see the comments & commentaries - whenever I needed them, they found reasons not to be there for me.

…seriously: you are surprised by that...

I admit that - in our current modern era - this lack of straightforward honesty and loving kindness was a pretty foreseeable reality and outcome from the very start of my hermit life.

But I nonetheless decided I needed to experience and prove this to be true in my own life too, before being willing - and feeling justified - to step back from building my hermit life within the organisations of our institutional Church and instead set out on my own.

So, no: I’m not surprised. Because after seven years it turned out as expected (and, in fact, as prophesied by various Desert Fathers about the end of times).

…and now what...

Well, given the results of these last seven years, I will from now on in effect accept the fact that we are not living any longer according to the common traditions of the old days, but instead we are functioning in a new modern era. And I will adjust to this modern era according to the prophecies of the Dessert Fathers. Hence, I decided to finally set out on my own and become an undercover hermit living outside the formal institutions of our Church and without the help from her formal representatives.

…good for you...

Yes, I can finally stop drawing down my savings and start truly building my life around my calling to the hermit life. But given that I cannot and will not lessen my hermit schedule in praying and studying, it’s inevitable that sharing my practical knowhow with others will become the break point in making my life as an undercover hermit possible.

This is an unfortunate loss, but there are simply not enough hours in a day to continue helping others for free by sharing my practical knowhow, giving advice, suggest practical solutions, and instruct on practical prayer techniques for watchfulness, meditation, contemplation, and self-emptying, while also living my calling of a full scheduled hermit life filled with prayer, study and practice, and having to work for a fully self-sufficient income within a world that has no inclination to facilitate me in the necessities of my hermit life.

This means that I either don’t share my practical knowhow and experience at all anymore (as is traditionally a valid - and in fact the default - option for a hermit), or in future I will have to invoice people to recompense me for my lost income when helping them in as far as permissible under the current thinking and guidelines for doing so from our institutional Church.

For now, I think this latter option is the least bad option, as it in effect forces people to self-select better whether they need my specific practical knowhow or not. That way, I will either maintain the silence and solitude that is necessary for a hermit’s life, or I will get paid and that way fund part or all of my hermit way and calling, while (b) at the same time remaining available for extending my help to others when it’s really needed.

In the final outcome this is all in line with the old traditional way, but with an apparently modern shift in the way and method I’m getting there (by swapping the traditional student-servants and the traditionally generous lay Christian donations of old for a modern invoice sent in conformity with Church guidance on this subject).

This is not my preferred way, but an unavoidable adaptation after my last seven years of experiencing what happens when giving everything away for free in the old traditional way.

…sounds fair enough, but what if someone really seriously needs your help...

Well, first of all a traditional hermit life prescribes as much seclusion and isolation as is achievable. And that in itself is not compatible with being open to help everybody at all times, as I’ve nonetheless been doing these last seven years while having to wait for the institutional Church.

Therefore, if from now on someone needs help with their religious questions and struggles, then they have to go there where God meant them to find help: which means they will have to turn to their closest ordained priest, monk, nun, or reverend.

They are the ones that know themselves to be called by God and to have been God-appointed to help, shepherd, and protect God’s lost and little sheep. For this purpose they are trained, ordained, and paid by the institutional Church which is funded by donations from the little sheep since the last two millennia (which has not exactly left them the beggars they started out to be). And last-but-not-least: by their very own admission they are Christ’s personal representatives on Earth, God-chosen wearers of His loving kindness and wisdom. So they should be anybody's first port of call for both their spiritual and practical needs and knowhow. And people are fully entitled as one of God’s lost and little sheep to expect them to listen and help as a loving and experienced shepherd and representative of Christ would.

…but if the little sheep remain lost nonetheless...

I find it hard to believe and expect that something like that would be possible. But if - despite the Church’s own prescription in paragraphs 950–953, 2401–2404, 2443–2463 of its own Catechism of the Catholic Church - their help leaves someone nonetheless unexpectedly helpless, then I won’t leave them an orphan.

Instead: anyone remains then free to use the contact form at the bottom of this page to contact me. I’ll be there for them.

Most important of all (in keeping with paragraphs 2121–2122 from that same Catechism of the Catholic Church) I’ll always be there for them through my intercessory prayers and my blessings as a hermit. This I will always freely and generously share for free with everybody. And because any effect of my intercessory prayer and/or blessings can only come from God (+), any gratitude someone might have for that will always solely be between them and God (+) and due to Him (+) alone.

However, if someone instead (or also) wants me to share with them my practical knowhow, giving advice, suggest practical solutions, and/or instruct them on practical prayer techniques for watchfulness, meditation, contemplation, and self-emptying, then they have to realise that from now on (with one exception at the bottom of this text) I will have to ask them - in accordance with the current thinking and guidelines for doing so from our institutional Church - to recompense me for my time invested in helping them.

Why? First of all, because after the last seven years waiting it has become fully clear that I’m not part of the institutional Church, nor funded by her accumulated possessions, tithes, or collections, nor helped by her formal representatives. Second, because the worker is worthy of his wages (Luke 10:7). Third, because we apparently live in a new and modern era of self-sufficiency to which I’ve had to adapt after seven years living according to the old traditional system (giving everything away for free but not receiving any meaningful support from either the laity nor the Church to continue a simple and basic lifestyle as a hermit). Fourth, because the time I dedicate from here on forward to solving someone's problems I consequently cannot use to earn my own necessary income. Fifth, we don’t live anymore in a time in which being widowed or orphaned, falling ill, or getting fired equals direct and total loss of income and destitution as it traditionally used to be. Instead, in our modern Western welfare state - with its extensive social safety nets - most of the widows, orphans, sick, and unemployed nowadays still have sufficient disposable income to make free spending choices. And sixth, if Christ’s own ordained and/or consecrated formal representatives on earth cannot help, then apparently some practical knowhow and real-world experience gained from my hermit life might be considered helpful and therefore worth a small investment of someone's savings or income (instead of spending it on the next pair of jeans, phone, or weekend party).

…you’re right, but if someone - apart from your prayer or your blessing - also asks for your practical knowhow but cannot recompense you for your time invested teaching them…

In such a case I will obviously always allow for one important exception: if someone feels they are too poor to pay me for sharing my hard-won practical knowhow and experience, then they should always and genuinely feel free to send me their government issued tax documents over the prior three years. If those documents indicate that someone is indeed reasonably unable to recompense me for my time and practical expertise, then I will fully, wholeheartedly, and traditionally spend all the time I can for free on helping them with all the advice, practical solutions, and practical prayer techniques they want and need, in as far as that is compatible with my normal hermit schedule.