✙ what to expect & how to help

Hermit life and behaviour, especially when someone falls within the sub-category of the so-called fools-for-God, can sometimes seem to be a little bit strange. And sometimes even outright baffling.

In general you may say that the more shortcomings a hermit has, the more strange his (or her) behaviour can be. Because from a Christian point of view: fighting inner-deficiencies can sometimes call for unorthodox behaviour. General examples are leading a chaste life, living a life of obedience, and/or choosing to live a simple life sometimes even bordering on homelessness. Below you’ll find a few pointers to understand it better.

preferably no small talk

Traditional hermits and fools alike are trying to talk (and think) socially as little as possible, especially in regard to what you could call the automatic type of thinking and talking. As it often begins with, and almost always ends in, judgmental behaviour contrary to what Christ asks of us.

Therefore, I will always try to prevent talking in general and idly chitchatting in particular, though social protocol, old habits, and unexpected social encounters can sometimes make that either difficult or impossible.

they often act against established social protocol

For the same reasons as above, most traditional hermits will - seemingly against established social protocol - refuse to be drawn into idly chitchat or a worldly conversation. This means they can sometimes stay awkwardly silent, say too little for comfort, or unexpectedly end or silently walk away from a conversation. `Or - just the opposite - suddenly be extremely direct, up-close, and personal.

For the same reasons, they may decline your invitation for coffee or dinner, no matter how well-timed and well-intentioned your invitation was extended, especially if the invitation is for social reasons only. In fact, some might not even be willing to enter someone else’s house unless it is absolutely unavoidable.

As explained, this may all seem to be unsocial or even offensive at first glance, but generally it is not a matter of bad manners but only to remain faithful to their traditional and personal rules and way of life in general, and/or a matter of prioritising their current inner-battle in particular.

and for me in particular...

a fool or a hermit?

For me in particular, I’ve discussed and foreseen with my spiritual director (a priest) from the very beginning - and written down in my Ratio Vivendi (*) - the possibility of not fully being a hermit but instead running the risk of falling into the category of ‘fools for God’. And truth be told: I’ve resisted that potential part of my calling from the very beginning until the current day. However…, despite all my resistance my life seems to be falling more and more into this sub-category. You can read more about this type of calling on this wikipedia-page. However, for the time being I will continue putting the hermit aspect first.

(* a hermit’s Ratio Vivendi is an official written document stating the hermit's life plan. It contains i.a. the hermit’s past, his (or her) calling, the discernment process that followed, and the hermit’s proposed new way of life).

don’t treat me with deference

Whatever you do, please do not treat me with deference and/or put me on a pedestal. It’s not healthy for either of us, and it’s certainly not helpful for me to achieve my goals as a hermit. Jesus called upon us to treat each other as brothers and sisters, with God (+) as our common Father. And He specifically warned us to refrain from letting ourselves be treated or called any better. Because in the final analysis: we are all sinners, we all struggle in life, and we certainly all fall short in how God (+) would like us to be. Therefore, I prefer it when we treat each other as in a real-life family: with a brotherly (sisterly) loving care, and with both the respect and the casualness of an equal. I will try to treat you the same and I will certainly not accept it if you try to put me in a position of authority or deference. I’m certainly not worth it, and - probably - neither are you.

"I will certainly not accept it if you try to put me in a position of authority or deference. I’m not worth it, and - probably - neither are you"

first ask what’s needed before you help me

If you want to help me, then say so personally and inquire about what it is that I currently need the most. Most of the time I will say that nothing is needed. And at other times I will tell you honestly what is needed most. Because as a traditional hermit I can only ask you for - and accept from you what - is needed then and there, and no more or different. Therefore, I might very well refuse (or quickly give away) all or most of what you bring me unasked for. Why? Because at the moment you bring it, it’s just not needed. This is not a personal insult to you nor out of sloppy manners, but out of discipline and out of dedication to the well-established and thousands year old hermit tradition.

the best help that is always welcome: make a financial donation, but only if and when you can do so without denying yourself anything

A financial donation is not something I expect of you in return for helping you in your religious (prayer) life, neither do I expect it in return for my intercessory prayer for you, nor for any other religious help I might give you. In fact, I don’t expect you to help me at all, as it is God (+) I’m relying on and helping you for.
Nonetheless, my active income is limited at best (see why on this page). Therefore any financial support you can provide will always be very welcome. You can find the necessary banking details on the homepage.
And please remember: for traditional, practical, and/or religious reasons I prefer not to eat meat (unless seriously ill, and sometimes I do eat some chicken for the necessary proteins), and not to drink alcohol. In general, I try to not eat too much, and I’m in a constant inner-struggle to not to eat cookies, chocolate, and to get rid of all not-necessary stuff in my life. So, please: do not give me any kind of presents that I didn't ask for because I will probably not need it. Also, please do not bring me (for example) meat, whipped cream, alcohol, food prepared in butter sauce, pies, cookies, and all other sorts of not-hermit-compatible food or unnecessary gifts. I know it's well intentioned and done in loving caring. But when it comes to these things I would rather not get tempted too much, or buy them myself so I can keep these things under control and choose my battles with these personal shortcomings wisely.

don’t invite me for social reasons only

Whenever I can, I try to live my life in seclusion, silence, and solitude. Therefore, please, do not invite me to your house for mere social reasons, or if you do anyway then please allow me to friendly decline your invitation without taking it personal.

back to home