✙ past life and calling

Before I started my life as a hermit, I used to be a rational and successful lawyer, writer, and business advisor. Resisting God’s call during fifteen long stubborn years.

So… what happened?

Truth be told: my parents left the Church when I was still in my pre-teens. But ever since I had retained this academic interest in God and religion. Could it be true?

Then one day, unexpectedly, God (+) acted and showed me more of Himself than I had ever imagined Him to be. But my rational old-self soon took over again, and I ran away from what I couldn’t understand, couldn’t believe to be true, and - frankly - didn’t have the courage for.

I mean: I liked my life as a successful and well paid young professional. So I had no intention whatsoever of surrendering my success, my income, my status, and my possessions to…? Exactly… to what? To Whom...? Why?! Therefore I kept my rational skepticism, my willful disregard for God's presence, and my fear as high as I possibly could, and I ran away. And while running for fifteen long years, I considered myself successful and lucky. But I now know better. It was a stupid waste of time.

Because even though I am now subsisting on a small fraction of what I used to earn, the moments of solitude proof to be a true godsend and when combined with an inner and outer silence it becomes a blessing.

Apparently, God (+) knew what was best for me right from the start. And I can only thank Him for His love, His patience, and His perseverance with me. Because fortunately He waited for me during all those fifteen years, respecting my free will, until I finally surrendered to Him. So He won. For He was right, and I was wrong. All along.

As a hermit my daily struggle has become to try and fight the good fight: to daily repent of my sins both old and new, to try and grow in love and humility, and to try to listen and be obedient to His (+) will. Doing all this in the hope and faith that His calling me to the hermit life is for me apparently the best individual way to fight this Christian battle towards victory over my sinful old-self and over this sinful old-world. A victory that I have to fight for, but that I - paradoxically - can only win if and when God intervenes again.

You can read more about this, and about my daily schedule, on the next page.